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March 13, 2008

Blast from the past

Look what I found:

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A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but this is two solid inches of it! I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

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Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:

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There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.

The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get beat up in elementary school:

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Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long.

Here's how to get beat up in high school:

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This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get beat up on the golf course:

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This 'all purpose jumpsuit' is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against... you know.

Here's how to get beat up pretty much anywhere:

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Here's how to get beat up at the beach:

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He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get beat up in a meeting:

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If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

How to get beat up on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day:

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Dear God in Heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.

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As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.

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Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The. Heck. I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?
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I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled 'Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best.'

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And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits.
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Then you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:
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I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:
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Very nice.

Posted by Heather at March 13, 2008 02:03 PM


I stumbled across your site a week or so ago doing an image search on gravesites, go figure. I was so taken by some of your photography I spent an inordinate amount of time crusing your site.
But the JCPenney catalogue really made me laugh.
Thanks so much!

Posted by: Daryl Russ at March 13, 2008 05:02 PM

Hi Heather,

OK, this was extemely entertaining, very funny! Hope all is well on the homefront. Welcome home George, Happy Birthday Lily.

Posted by: Joanne at March 19, 2008 08:52 PM

I also stumbled across your site as I was searching out your name but because someone else also has that name. I was born in 67 and that JC Penney thing was just hysterical. Thanks for making my morning. And the last person who commented was so right about your photography. I was the photo editor of my yearbook and went to school for video production, and it is quite amazing, especially in this world of digital, etc. Keep up the fun site - will have to check back from time to time. Take care.

Posted by: kate at April 8, 2008 09:25 AM

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